Miss you, Grandpa.

 After a tough battle with leukemia, my grandpa went to be with his Lord and Savior the morning of Macyn's birthday party. I will always cherish the moments we had together. The laughter, the love, and the fellowship. This is harder than usual because he was my last grandparent left. It is a weird feeling, and an even stranger feeling knowing that I can't just go and see him.

When we delivered Macyn's invitation to Grandpa for her party, he was worried he wouldn't make it because of how tired he felt. We told him we would bring the party to him, and we were looking forward to that. Little did I know, less than a week and a half later he would be gone. We explained to Macyn about what happened to Grandpa Stan, and that he wouldn't be at her party because Grandpa went to go see Jesus. She replied, "I want Jesus to come to my birthday."

She understands more now. After we brought her to visitation, we explained to her the same things that happened with Grandma Van Aartsen, 2 months earlier, to the date. It melted my heart and made me shed a few more tears when we were viewing Grandpa in his casket when she said in the saddest little voice, "Goodbye Great Grandpa Stan."

Sometimes she will randomly ask, "Grandpa Stan went to heaven?" "with Jesus and Grandma Tillie?" We just tell her yes, and if he she has questions, we answer them. I think Macyn has a special place in her heart for him. She seems to get sad if she talks about him, but then she realizes he is in heaven, then she seems to be a little happier.

Rest in Peace, Grandpa Stan. We love you and miss you so much. We'll see you later, someday.

Yardwork for Grandpa

We spent most of Saturday helping out with yard work at my Grandpa's house. He is now home, but is in hospice care. The only medicine he will ever get is maintenance chemo, so we are hoping it will continue to work. However, his counts are going higher again. :(  You can follow his journey on his caring bridge site.

The workers!

Anyways, since he is in hospice care, a lot of the family got together to help with yard work. I didn't really do much besides follow Macyn in her power wheel and watch her, but DH helped out a lot. After the work was done we all came inside and had a nice meal with some chit chatting. It was nice to have a family gathering all supporting my Grandpa. He was happy that everyone was so willing to help out.

Macyn and cousin Liam

Labor Day Rundown

Here is a quick rundown of our fun-filled-super-full weekend!

Friday Night:

We primed all the lower cabinets in our kitchen. This included wiping them all down, removing all doors, handles, and hinges. We gave it two coats of primer and let it dry overnight to be ready to paint in the morning. (Make sure you check out our new range - woo hoo for 5 burners and matching appliances!)

Saturday:

Painted 2 coats of paint on lower cabinets. We also primed 2 coats on about half the doors - front and back. Let me tell you, this is time consuming!

I needed a break from painting, so I decided to try a pinterest project where you paint letters onto glass votives. The paint didn't stick to the glass so I gave up. I did, however, try another idea I saw on Pinterest. This included filling a vase with pine cones, and using a toilet paper roll in the middle so you don't have to use so many to fill the vase. I then filled the rest of the top with ribbon, and added flowers. I like how it turned out, but I wish the flowers were taller. I think I am going to switch out the filled vase for the Christmas season as well.

Sunday:

We decided to visit my Grandpa in the hospital. Macyn wasn't exactly an angel, but tolerable. Better than when she pees her pants when we put her in time out (that's a whole 'nother story). But, Grandpa was happy to see her and us. I am not quite sure what the next steps with his Leukemia is, but all I know is they stopped his chemo, and he has 90% bad white cells. His total white blood count is 300. Earlier in the week they told him if he decides to not treat his AML, he would have 2 weeks is all. This makes me nervous knowing how his blood work is turning out. That being said, we are still taking it one day at a time, praying, and hoping for the best.

Monday:

We decided to hit up my hometown parade. It was a parade full of fire trucks and random stuff. Seriously one of the longest parades with nothing that memorable. There were some clowns, horses, and Steve King was there. I always think its kinda cool to see him in person instead of only on CSPAN or the town hall meetings I get on my phone all the time. I also made the 125th brochure for the town. I was asked, and I think it turned out pretty well. I also had to draw out the map - it was tedious! (It is a gatefold, which is why it looks weird flat)

We also had some good home made ice cream in the park and checked out the craft fair. It was a very busy, hot weekend!

Macyn and myself waiting for the parade to start

Emotional Roller Coaster

I am sure many of you have noticed I have been absent again. Let me tell you, with all the ups and downs the last couple of months, it has been hard to keep updated with what is going on. I have good intentions of sharing things that have happened in our lives, such as parades, fairs, playing outside, new milestones, monthly updates, new recipes, DIY stuff, etc. But some things in life are bigger than the small updates here and there. We lost Grandma after being diagnosed with cancer on June 23. We found out today that my Grandpa is no longer in remission with his leukemia. Grandma died Monday, and Grandpa's AML is back on Tuesday. This is scary for all of us. The only chemo that seemed to work for him is the strongest they make. He will have 4 more days of this chemo, with a 1 out of 5 chance of being in remission again.

I don't think all these events have quite "hit" me yet. I still think I am in denial. I keep on praying, but I dont know what to pray for - comfort, healing, peace, praises? It has always been praises for Grandpa being in remission, and comfort and healing for Grandma. I still have prayers of comfort for all of us mourning the loss of Grandma, but now with Grandpa - praying for healing, peace, comfort. I don't know what the outcome will be, but knowing the stats are scary. I feel like I could shut down at any given time....and have a little bit today.

Its been a really rough couple of days, and the thought of the possibility of losing another Grandparent, I just cannot comprehend. Praying for miracles, that is for sure. 

I do plan on keeping this blog up as much as I can, but I am emotionally drained. You might just end up with pictures only posts. I still have pictures on my camera from 2 months ago....

Anyways, prayers for comfort, healing, and everything turning out for the best. God is in control, and we just need to trust in his plans. Here are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs. It seems pretty fitting at this time.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Relay For Life 2012

My grandpa came home just in time to attend this year's Relay For Life. He came home on Tuesday after 51 days in the hospital. There are no words that could describe the joy on his face to be able to attend. It truly is a miracle that he is still here today - so thankful for all the prayers and the miracles God performs every day. Here are some highlights:

Walking with my Grandpa and Team Yates during the team walk.

With my Grandpa enjoying our time together

Check out those smiles!

Relay for Life has always been an important part of my life. My Grandma on my Dad's side died of skin cancer, and my grandma on my mom's side (Grandpa's first wife) died of breast cancer when she was in her 50s. This is my third grandparent to have cancer, but this year it seemed a little more special to have him there...and sooo thankful that he was able to attend.

Caring Bridge

Here is Grandpa's Caring Bridge site. We appreciate all prayers as this could be a long journey. He is doing well so far and so strong! We gave him a card and he had tears in his eyes...and he pretty much said, "Don't worry, I got this!" What a great attitude! They shaved his head tonight since being on chemo now for 5 days, 24/7, his hair will begin to fall out.

Here is a before and after. I think he looks pretty dang good! :)

Faith>Fear

" Let your faith be bigger than your fear"

Once again, I've been absent again. In between working out, being outside, playing with Macyn, a bombshell happened on Monday. My grandpa was diagnosed with AML Leukemia on Monday. And quite frankly, it makes everything other little thing I would blog about seem less important.

Monday:

Grandpa was diagnosed. There was no cancer in his blood two weeks ago. The doctor said he could die in the next minute or hour. He gave him 2-3 days to live because he was so sick. It was a rough night to say the least. His white count was 251,000....which is completely unheard of. This is some aggressive stuff.

Tuesday:

Performed a procedure that takes the blood out of his body, filters it to remove the white cells, and puts it back into his body. They "washed" his blood a couple of times to get his count down. They got it all the way down to 70,000 (i think), and in order to start chemo they wanted it down to 40,000. We visited Grandpa and he didn't look too good, and was still extremely critical at this point. At anytime the leukemia cells could clump together and cause a clot in the heart or brain and he could slip into a coma.

Wednesday:

This would be a day of rest from the blood wash and transfusions. His counts in the morning were 50,000....still not low enough to receive chemo. They decided to not wash his blood and by night time his cells were over 100k again. That is not good news....extremely aggressive cancer. Because of this they decided to start chemo anyways. He is on one drug for 3 days, and another 24/7 drip of chemo for the next week. I have seriously never heard of 24/7 chemo with no break.

Thursday:

Today would be a sign whether the chemo is working. If his counts stay at 100k, that means its preventing replication. In fact, they went down to 80,000! They continued to go all the way down to 40k, and we visited him. He looked great and was laughing and smiling. Since this is extremely aggressive cancer that is hardly ever seen before, they actually called it "Acute Acute Lymphoma." Meaning...more aggressive than aggressive cancer.

Friday:

Counts continue to go down and we are so thankful. Unfortunately, the road is only going to get tougher as he will begin to get sick from the chemo. In two weeks they will do a bone marrow biopsy and hopefully be in remission. If he is, they will start to give him white cells. If not, stronger chemo.

Other things:

• I am extremely grateful he is still with us. They gave him 2-3 days with his counts that high....and hes still alive. Thank you, Lord.

• He has bad chromosomes in his body, which signifies how hard it may be to fight this

• If chemo doesn't work, there is no other cure

• He is too old for stem cells and too old for bone marrow 

Even though Grandpa is doing much, much better now, he still needs lots of prayers. This is going to be a long, fighting road....just trying to visit him now while he is in good spirits since I know next week he will have no white cells left and will most likely be sick. This is the calm before the storm.

We have great hope he will make it through this. He is my last living biological grandparent and he told us that he is going to fight this. What a great attitude! We are so blessed he is still with us. Thank you, so much for answering our prayers, Lord.

 Cancer cannot cripple love
Cancer cannot shatter hope
Cancer cannot erode faith
Cancer cannot eat away peace
Cancer cannot kill friendship
Cancer cannot shut out memories
Cancer cannot silence courage
Cancer cannot reduce eternal life

Cancer cannot keep us from praying our hearts out for Grandpa.