Macyn Withdrawal

So Macyn started daycare yesterday. She goes here in town and I know the providers so it helps make me feel a little better about being away from her. However, ever since going back to work, it just doesn't seem quite right. All I think about all day is wondering if I am going to miss some of her "milestones" such as her first laugh, rolling over, her first steps, etc. It makes me sad inside that someone else might get to see her experience those things before I do. I think I feel this way too because I feel like I have missed out on alot of things already, especially those first moments you dream of when she was born. Since I had a c-section, I only saw her for a couple minutes when she was first born. Not to mention all the doctors and nurses got to see her before I did - they had to clean her up. It was really hard to lay there, strapped down on that table, and listen to her cry - but never getting to see her until a little while later.....for only a couple minutes. They then had to stitch me up and I got to see her again around 45 minutes after she was born.

I guess I just always pictured her being laid on my chest the instant she was born, and I missed out on that. ..........I just don't want to miss out on anything else. I have even had people tell me how she laughs in her swing (I have yet to see that). It makes me a little sad when others get to experience things with my child before I do, because I am at work. It stinks. But the good in all of this-is not taking our time together for granted. I try and cuddle her and spend as much time as possible with her when I am at home and sing to her (even though I can't carry a tune) and read books, and lay with her on the floor and just stare at her and smile.

Pretty much I miss her a lot and love her a lot.....and I love being a mommy.